Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Rant #2

Well, my last first day of school is over now. It was a half day, which I find quite stupid. I had a really good day, though, and successfully managed to hold off any tears and morbidity until I got home.

And then I was sad again.

Cos I realized that this is it; I'm never gonna have a first day of high school again. It's all over. Hasta la vista, baby.

Granted, I've got, what, 180 days til graduation? Still...the nostalgia of this event can't be overlooked. I decorated my locker for the last time. I greeted my friends again, fresh off of summer break, for the last time. I swapped schedules and class times with people for the last time.

Now, I realize I'll probably go through much of this in college as well, and maybe even at the beginning of the next trimester, so it's not as if I'll never ever do it again, but it's still a momentous occasion, and I'm a little more than a little overemotional today.

It's so weird now, telling people I'm a senior. It really hit me today when I was checking out my French textbook, and had to write down my grade. For a moment I was confused, trying to remember which it was, until I looked at my friend's entry above mine and realized I had to write a big fat 12. The end of the line. That's it, nothing after that.

And looking around at all the freshman, wandering around in a daze, trying to find their lockers and friends and classes reminded me so much of my very first day of high school. I remember that my mom and I picked up my best friend before school, because we were both too scared to go in by ourselves for the first time.

Now it's like flesh memory, go in the same doors, take the same route to the same locker, use the same combination, get out the same binders, go to the same place and talk before class starts. But in so many ways, sometimes, I still feel like that scared little freshman girl, all wide eyed and innocent and terrified.

And, look at that, I'm getting all metaphorical and nostalgic again.

But it's just so weird for me. And there was the added bonus of not knowing, up until today (and we're still not quite out of the woods yet), whether or not my theatre company would be active this year. Our director retired after 35 marvelous years with us crazy people (I do not blame him, though I can't help but be sad about it) last year, and with all the budget cuts and having to secure a new director, we were very worried that it wouldn't take place at all.

Luckily, it seems as if they've gotten a new English teacher to take his place. My friend and I went to meet her today during our free hour, and she seemed really nice (plus we totally go to suck up to her, so yay for that).

And I certainly know I'm going to miss theatre the most after I'm gone. For the last three years, I've given heart and soul, sweat, blood, and tears for that company, and I'm planning the same, if not more, for this year. I love acting, and I'm also coordinator of Hair and Makeup, and co-coordinator for Decor. I've made so many wonderful friends over the years, as well. Some I've already had to say goodbye to, and others I've got one more year with, but no matter what, it'll nearly kill me to let go at the end of this year, or so it feels sometimes. I'm sure I'll live a full, healthy life (I hope anyways) and that my ghost ceremony at the end of the year (long story) does not, in fact, kill me. However, I know I'll be leaving behind a big piece of me in that empty theatre. It's been my life for the last three years, and it's defined my high school career.

But here I go getting nostalgic and weepy and poetic again.

So, for a little cheerfulness, I'll say this: I absolutely love my first trimester schedule so far. Three art classes, a free hour, and French 1A, and I've got close friends in each hour, so it's a very good start to my (hopefully) fabulous senior year.

Bye bye for now, then.

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